i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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