My boss' voice literally gives me gas
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
