you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
