In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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