Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Your face is a jimmy john
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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