if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
