I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
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Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize