it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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