i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I lost the right to judge tonight
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
