Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A+ Viking dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
