god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
