i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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