new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
