Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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