I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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