It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
