hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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