i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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