Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize