I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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