I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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