its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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