I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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