hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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