Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
