You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
