if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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