im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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