the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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