I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
