how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
