So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
