saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
