Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize