Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
