I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well I just put wine in my tea
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
