Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dear god my vagina.
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