Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
