Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
