I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
