need another drink. this is the easiest way
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
