okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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