I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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