ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
pray to the hookup gods
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
