She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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