Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
