I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!