i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis