Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
