this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
