I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
