I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
