Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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