He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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