My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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