Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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