i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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