She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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