So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
