Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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