Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
