I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
