I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
babies were throwing up all over the place
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
