You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
