so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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