I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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