I hate your face
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
