I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize