There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
