And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
