My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize