Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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