butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
