A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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