If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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