take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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