What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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