yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
