I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
