# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
