hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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