so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
ok first of all what the fuck
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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