Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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