I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
