Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
