it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize