i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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