i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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